Love and relationships are more complex than they were many years back. Why do I say that? You may ask. Breakups, separation and divorce rates are on the rise and believe me, I doubt these rates will drop. Some couples are in romantic relationships for about 2 weeks and then everywhere gets heated up and everything comes crashing down. Funny right? Or maybe not funny.
A lot of questions come to my mind when things like this happen:
Was love ever there?
First is, were the “lovebirds” ever in love? Or was it just vibes and sentiments that brought them down that path? Well, maybe.
Entering into relationships for wrong reasons
Another thing I think about is the fact that these days many don’t go into relationships or marry for love. Instead, money, fame, a sense of belonging and even pressure from various sides are major determinants. Some even get married to improve their self-worth. Sadly, love is being swept under the carpet.
Love and Money
If we know the true definition of love, money would not be a reason to love someone. What happens to love when money disappears? Does love disappear too? I mean, we all want to be “spoilt”, go on trips and vacations, tour the world, eat in fancy restaurants with the love of our lives, but this shouldn’t be the basis of relationships. If your partner has lots of money, wonderful! If not, I believe you should love and support them regardless. When things look low and there is a shift in the relationship equation, love should balance it out.
Some are pressurized into falling in love. Why would this be? When your circle of friends, colleagues and family members seem to find love, you also seem to unconsciously want to follow down that line. They bring the juicy details of their relationships to you and tend to leave out the negative aspects. One is then forced to think that it’s all sweet in love. There are highs and lows in the journey called love, you should not let anyone try to convince you otherwise because they may not be there for you in such low moments. Take a deep breath! Don’t rush things because every other person is into it. The same applies to other areas of life. As the popular saying goes “don’t rush in so you don’t rush out!”
Love is mutual. It is between two or more people. The feeling of love should be shared. Both parties involved should be responsible for the happiness of each other and not a one-way affair. One partner in a relationship shouldn’t always be the one reaching out or showing love to the other. “Non-mutualism”, as I would like to call it, is one of the things that seem to make love appear unexciting.
Matchmaking may have its share in the downturn of events in matters of love. Sometimes it works, at other times it doesn’t. I say this because, I know people that were match made whose love is waxing stronger and for others, their love didn’t grow more than a fortnight. Don’t force love. If your suggested partner is unwilling or disinterested, don’t force it, move on. If they are, how interesting! Go for it!
Loyalty has always been a much-talked-about issue. Even in the workplace and in daily interactions with individuals, loyalty is a watchword that must be upheld. Many companies nowadays want to hire staff that is loyal to them and their brand. How much more love and relationships. How loyal is one partner to another? Surprisingly, many find out about disloyalty after many years of being together. But why is this so? This question has been asked for many years and it seems there is no definite answer to it.
Social media has redefined love in many ways. I mean, it has. I wouldn’t want to dive much into this, but I would say, “mind where you get your advice and counsel on matters of love”. A lot of bitter people are out there looking for whom to embrace with their bitterness. Beware! Asides from social media, mind where you seek counsel from. Some are just out there to ruin relationships. Avoid them!
Some of us don’t know how to express love. We claim to love someone, yet our actions don’t show it. We don’t get gifts, neither do we show affection. It’s all just bland, no spice.
Understand your lover’s love language, it’s vital to a lasting relationship. His may be quality time and words of affirmation, hers may be receiving gifts, physical touch and quality time. Try to find out. You can do this by observing your lover over time or simply by asking them.
Is Love Overrated?
Or, maybe love has always been overrated. This line of thought will be a hard pill for me to swallow because I’ve seen love in action and I think it’s beautiful. I often hear the statement, “not everyone will find love”. But is this true? I mean, we go out every day or almost every day, meet new people, shop at the mall or even visit the cinema to see a movie. I believe these places are sufficient to find love, at least to an extent. It’s also important to know that we find love in the most unexpected places. Oh yeah, people find love at the bus station, exam venue and many that were initially unfriendly towards one another end up as lovers.
The points mentioned above should be a call to action and not to deter us from love or going into romantic relationships. Let’s live our lives in the best ways we can and hope that one day, we would find love, in its agape form. I believe in love and I think you should too. I believe in the “happily ever after” scenarios, just as it is in fairy tales. Life itself is a fairy tale, or don’t you think so?