Relationships are hard. Even Mrs.Obama says so. “Marriage is hard, even the best of the marriages take work,” she revealed in an interview with Jimmy Fallon and opened up about marriage counselling. Just like seasons evolve, so do relationships. Even the happiest of the couples will admit to have had a drifting apart phase. And it’s completely normal. If you and your partner feel like just coexisting and are missing the spark, don’t freak out yet; you are not headed to Splitsville. All you need is some reconnecting techniques to get to a healthy bond. Remember – for better or for worse.
#1 Figure Out What Drifted You Apart In The First Place
Communication is the key to any healthy relationship. The first step to reconnect with your partner is unraveling what led to the divide. It could be emotional, like feeling a little off lately or finding yourself burdened with a set of responsibilities. Or situational, like a new work project, an unexpected event, changes in family dynamics, etc. Have a serene date night at home, if you don’t have kids, and take some time out to discover the source of the problem.
#2 Work On Yourself
When times are tough, we often turn to our partner to validate our feelings, identity, and personality. Truth is, the more you depend on one person, the more you’ll lose yourself. And that’s not good for you or your relationship. Keep a healthy balance between your own individual self and your partnership. Spend time to reconnect with yourself, find your happiness and identity, and indulge in activities you love without your partner. Bottom line is, there is nothing more valuable than finding your worth on your own. Take notes from this little quote:
“Simply put, a marriage is not a marriage without the existence of two individuals who promised to love each other”
#3 Sneak In Some Daily Time With Each Other
In the midst of family responsibilities, couples often forget to give time to each other. Steal in these micro-moments throughout the day. It could be helping out around the kitchen and sneaking in a kiss or a hug without saying anything. Or putting the kids to bed together and holding hands when you get time. These little moments will do far more to your relationship than a two-week vacation in The Bahamas. But the latter is important too, and the next point illustrates why.
#4 Take A Couple Vacation
Apart from the daily reconnecting boosters mentioned above, sometimes it takes a long vacation to really kickstart the reconnect process. Take a week-long vacation to a peaceful, romantic place where you can both talk about your relationship. Lay the ground rules to good communication though:
- Listen to understand and not react
- Refrain from blame
- Set clear expectations from the relationship and your other-half
- Be specific
- Communicate, instead of waiting for your partner to read your mind
- Express negative feelings constructively
- And positive feelings liberally
#5 Take A Trip Down The Memory Lane
When life gets hectic – and couples accept a routine- it’s easy to put your relationship on the back pedestal. Sometimes all you need to bring back the spark is to reminisce what ignited it in the first place. Sit down peacefully with your partner and ask, “Remember when we first said ‘I love you’ to each other, how romantic was that?” Sometimes that is enough to rekindle the romantic conversation and ensue a night full of love…if you know what I mean.
#6 Focus On Growing Together
“We don’t just get to grow old together, we get to grow up together. And that’s the real adventure.”
In a relationship, as times change, your spouse/ partner will change as well. This calls for re-wiring the expectations you had from the relationship. Every week, take some time out to talk about the relationship and most importantly, the other person. Set straightforward expectations and compromises, so your personal growth aligns with the relationship growth too.
#7 Affection & Appreciation
Simple actions and words of affection and appreciation goes a long way. It can be picking up their favorite snack when you come home or saying ‘thank you for being an amazing mom/ dad’ – these small tokens of gratitude shows your partner how much they are cared for and respected in a relationship. Be their biggest cheerleader, in times of success and struggles both. You can never tell someone enough how valuable and great they are. Be supportive, encouraging, and positive as much as you can.
#8 Bring The Adventure Back To The Bed
A physical connection with your partner is as important as an emotional and mental one. Sometimes falling apart can be credited to a lack of physical intimacy or adventure in bed. This could be because of a lack of adventure in bed. Take charge and spice things up in bed. Arrange a bed & breakfast in a romantic getaway hotel, set the mood with a date night, or send dirty messages throughout the day so she/ he is looking forward to entering the house that night. Engage in things that bring the other person pleasure so they know you care while upping the hotness quotient of the relationship.
#9 Have Some Fun Together
“A cheerful heart is a good medicine..” It sounds simple, but it’s true. Humor and happiness can easily reconnect you with your partner and let go of any stress and obligations of daily life. Pick an activity that you both enjoy together, or better, opt for one that you’ve always wanted to do as a couple and never did. For instance, it can be a bowling game or an adventurous trek or perhaps, a theme park excursion. A little excitement and cheeriness are all that needs to shake couples out of the rut and form a deeper connection with each other.
#10 Set Clear Boundaries
Sometimes the key to reconnecting with yourself is to take some time for yourself first. Couples have a hard time accepting and implementing this. We aren’t asking you to take shutting down your partner or ignore them or your problems. But instead maintaining a level of privacy and living a life of your own. Sometimes, taking some time off gives you a new perspective and helps connect with your partner in a healthy manner.
“Let there be spaces in your togetherness” – Khalil Gibran